Trust is a Word Seldom in my Vocabulary.

It's hard to trust that things will work out the way they should. It's hard to trust that God has a plan for everything, that he has a reason for all that I go through and have been through. It's hard to trust that things will get better, it's hard to trust people when they say they know what's best for me. It's hard to trust that I won't ever be abused again. It's hard to trust.
I think that once your trust has been used against you and abused, it's one of the hardest things to get back in life. It's hard to truly trust someone or something once you've lost trust in most other things and people. But it is also easy to understand why this happens. Let's put it into perspective:
-My parents and I trusted a babysitter to take care of me when I was younger, to make sure that I would be okay and keep me out of harm's way. Did that work out? Nope. It was at my babysitter's where her son abused me for almost 3 years, and almost every day. Looking back, I probably would've been infinitely safer staying at home by myself-even if I was only 8.
-I trusted that counselors and my parents were doing the right thing for me when they put me into the psych ward when I was in high school. That was also wrong. I never deserved to be in there, it was never a bad enough situation to call for that.
-I trusted that a man would take care of me and love me and be good to me. That was also wrong. He controlled me, manipulated me, brainwashed me, turned me against my family, kept me from doing things I enjoyed, emotionally abused me, sexually abused me and straight up LIED to me about his past. No trust.
-I've been trying to trust that the people at treatment will help me achieve what it is I want to achieve, but so far all I've done is gain weight on the plan of eating that is supposed to help me simply maintain my current weight.
-I trusted my family to be sensitive to me during this time of treatment and to help me get better...and then last night happened.
So you see, when a person tries to trust people over and over again-and that trust is shot to hell most of the time, it's very hard to trust anyone.