A Week Later

I really don't have the desire to keep up with this program.
I'm sitting at a very uncomfortable number on the scale. Should I be this obsessed over a number? No. Should I care that I've maybe gained a pound or two over the past week of 'normal and healthy' eating? Probably not. But it's slowly eating away at me. I've worked so FUCKING hard to get to where I am, and instead of helping me to stay where I was or get down in weight a little further, they're just making me GAIN. This is EXACTLY what I did not want to happen.
I knew when I started this that they would be forcing me or at least wanting me to eat more than I was. I knew that this was important for my body to function, but I also knew that in doing so, I'd start to gain weight. For so long now, people have been telling me that if I wouldn't restrict my food so much that I would stop gaining weight and probably lose some of the weight because my body would be getting what it actually needed...but guess what? I'm the one that's right in the end, because I've been putting up with this 'eating more in a healthy way' crap for a week now and all I've done is gain some weight. This is a losing battle right now.



This song came on the radio as I was driving home the other night. Listening to it for the first time in years, a sense of understanding came over me. I understood every lyric being sung, every emotion behind the words...it was a powerful 4 minutes. It also makes me wonder how in the world someone can grow to hate the way they look as much as I have? To be honest, I think I hate the way I look/feel/weigh now more than I did when I was 300 lbs.